So, I was thinking about the different options I have to change my major. See here's the thing that strikes me, I'm completely and absolutely terrified. What if I make a wrong decision, what if I listened to someone when I shouldn't have, and what if I am just completely not doing what I'm called to do?
This is kind of ironic because my devotion was about trusting in God. Let me share with you. "I am your Lord! Seek me as a friend and a lover of your soul, but remember that I am also King of kings-sovereign over all. You can make some plans as you gaze into the day that stretches out before you. But you need to hold those plans tentatively, anticipating that I may have other ideas. The most important thing to determine is what to do right now. Instead of scanning the horizon of your life, looking for things that need to be done, concentrate on the task before you and the One who never leaves your side. Let everything else fade into the background. This will unclutter your mind, allowing Me to occupy more and more of your consciousness. Trust Me to show you what to do when you have finished what you are doing now. I will guide you step by step as you bend your will to Mine. Thus you stay close to Me on the path of Peace." Proverbs 19:21; Luke 1:79
See here's the thing I have always asked myself. "Why is it I can trust God with my mother's life, finances, and knowing He will meet other people's needs, but when it comes to my decision on my career and trusting Him on a step that I need to take terrifies me? Like I said earlier, I feel like I'm paralyzed with fear to some certain extent. But I know that My God doesn't give us a spirit of fear (2 Timothy 1:7). So why should I be afraid? Why am I so terrified with life in general? Why is it so hard to see people know exactly what their field of study is and excel tremendously at it when I feel like I'm just sitting here in a corner afraid of making life decisions?
This is when I need to continue to feed on the word of God and just simply cry out to Him. For I need reassurance that everything will work out, in due time.It might not be the road that I want or expect, but it will get me there. The Lord has been dealing with me to trust him in EVERY part of my being. Not just this thing over here, or this bigger thing over there, but every single aspect of my life, in His hands. I know He holds me in His hands and He has even told me, but to understand the true reality of that is just ahh, frightening. But He will give me the reassurance and the faith that I need.
I know that I am called into the ministry in some sort of way. Maybe I can start from there.
As my little internal two-year old comes to a close from frustration and confusion. I leave you with this.
Surround yourself with encouraging people that pray for you consistently and that are very godly people. Don't let your faith waver because it doesn't seem like anything is happening. Last but not least, Pray and dig in the word of God continually.
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