My Mom

So today, I started cleaning--I'm an emotional cleaner sometimes, and I found some of my mom's old Dr appointment stuff, cards that she has received in the past, or just some supplies that were to be restocked in her room at the nursing home. After I have found some of this stuff I just about started to cry. I mean, it's just stuff right--but they hold some sort of memory of her being home, not in a nursing home, or in Heaven. I'm not wishing her back on this Earth-no because her health was terrible-but I'm just thinking about memories. Sometimes I wonder though "If only I could give her one more hug, If only I could say one more 'I Love You.', If only we could have one more heart to heart conversation, and If only I could hear her say 'I'm proud of you, one more time." Do I wish I could have her back sometimes? Of course I do, but that would be completely selfish on my part, plus the Lord wouldn't be able to use this as a testimony for not only her life, but our lives as well. 

But while I'm thinking and rationalizing through all of these thoughts I felt the Lord speak to me saying "Come to me." Which reminded me of a couple of verses in Matthew 11:28-30

"Then Jesus said, 'Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.'" 

After I reread that, I just started sobbing from the emptiness I felt with her not being there, I started crying out to God, and I just needed Him. While I spent time with the Lord an old hymn popped into my head and I started singing it. 

♫ "I love you Lord
and I lift my voice
to worship you,
oh my soul rejoice.

Take joy my king
in what you hear,
let it be a sweet,
sweet sound in your ear.
In your ear.

Yeah, I love you lord.
Oh, how i love you lord.
Yeah, I love you Lord.
Yeah, I love you Lord.

Take joy my King
in what you hear
let it be a sweet,sweet sound.
Let it be a sweet,sweet sound
Let it be a sweet, oh, sweet,sweet,sweet sound.
Will you let it be a ( I love you Lord)
oh, will you let it be a sweet ( I love you Lord) sweet, sweet sound.
Let it rise( I love you Lord) in your ear." ♫

After I sang that a couple of times, there was just an assurance and a peace that the Lord gave me. I'm so thankful. I also realized that I try to do a lot of this on my own and I can't. I need God's divine strength and love for every part of my life. 

Going through this little period of the Lord just breaking me was definitely something that I needed. 

It's time for me to get some sleep.